"Freedom is what you do with what is done to you", said Jean Paul Sartre, a French philosopher and novelist. In other words, the situation doesn't define you. What defines you is the way you face the situation. And this is deeply related to self-esteem.
Self-esteem is your reputation with yourself. In a broad sense, it functions as an internal filter that interferes with the way we see and interact with the world. According to psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden, one of the pioneers studying the topic, it is the basis of the emotional immune system that makes someone grow or get smaller in the face of a challenge.
Each one’s life story influences but does not determine self-esteem. It is also not fixed: it changes when you change. And, likewise, it can - and should - be developed. After all, self-esteem is intrinsically linked to individual performance and success. But unfortunately, in addition to being a little-addressed topic, it is distorted in its essence.
It's common to connect self-esteem with beauty. When, in fact, it is an ethical concept – not esthetic. "Intend" and "know" do not build self-esteem. "Being" and "doing" better describe the actions associated with this process.
Contrary to what marketing trains us to believe, there are no great events or purchases that define who we are and how healthy each person's emotional immune system is. It is possible to develop self-esteem through action with direction, following the methodology of micro-behaviors.
Self-esteem gives the individual "anti-fragility", a concept that became known by the work of Nassim Taleb. More than resilience, which enables "to endure" problems, anti-fragility brings the ability to learn and improve with the natural challenges of life. Balanced, self-esteem becomes a powerful engine for each to deal with one's own reality. It awakens in the individual the posture of "either gain or learn". And it leads to a sense of competence in the face of challenging events.
Self-esteem is built through action; it is precisely in dissatisfaction without action that lives the great villain. Everyone has, with each choice, the possibility to adopt an attitude to make self-esteem healthier.
According to Branden, the behaviors built are also those that express self-esteem. That is, all that is a source of self-esteem is also its expression. Integrity is a source of self-esteem and its expression.

Facing life without understanding the construction of self-esteem can lead to a feeling of inadequacy or emptiness.
It is when many people follow paths that do not lead to balance or inner peace. The search for external recognition, likes and shares of posts on social networks do not solve the interior pains.
The human being is the only being who needs to consider himself appropriate and competent to live well. It is also the only one that needs its own rational evaluation to evolve. And in his trajectory, he must know his strengths and his values.
Because learning takes place in action and since life doesn't skip steps, the best advice for building self-esteem is to make peace with mistakes along the way. Use them as leverages, not ties.
There's no bad result. Bad is not knowing and not moving in the right direction. Developing and strengthening self-esteem is being really aware of your limitations, as well as your own ability to achieve what you want – and to be happy in your entirely. Be free, as Sartre said.
Comments